Netflix's 'Culinary Class Wars' has transformed South Korea's fine dining scene
· The Independent
In case it slipped your mind, Valentine’s Day is upon us once again. You know, that time of year that you show your significant other how much you love them by giving them cavities and forcing them to care for dismembered plant limbs? Yeah, so, come to think of it, you might actually wanna get on that instead of farting around over here. “But what if you don’t have a significant other?” Fair question. We suppose you’re probably feeling a bit like a vegetarian on Thanksgiving right about now. But, hey, while we’ve got you, there’s no reason you shouldn’t check out this list of jokes we put together and try to cheer yourself up.
On that note, let’s take a look at what 10 famous comedians had to say on the subject of Valentine’s Day…
Visit milkshakeslot.online for more information.
10. JAY LENO
“Happy Valentine’s Day everybody, or as we call it in Los Angeles, conjugal visit day.”
9. GREG GIRALDO
“Valentine’s Day’s gotten blown way out of proportion, huh? Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife, now everyone’s like, ‘Ooh, Happy Valentine’s Day!’ You know, your neighbors…I got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago.”
8. CHRIS ROCK
“On Valentine’s Day, I’ve found that if a woman is into you sexually there isn’t much you can do wrong. Girls that wanna f–k you tend to wanna f–k you more on V Day. My advice? Feed her, shut up, and get your dessert. On the other hand, if a woman isn’t into you sexually, then she really, really doesn’t want to f–k you on V Day.”
7. BILL BURR
“My favorite time of the year is March and April. You know what I mean? It’s just 61 glorious days. No f—–g holiday where the man has to make some sort of financial gesture to the woman in his life. You know what I mean? Like Valentine’s Day, it just sneaks up on you every year. It’s like, ‘I just f—–g got you something. I just paid the bill in January and then here we f—–g go again. When are you gonna feel loved?’”
6. JEFF ROSS
“Happy almost Valentine’s Day, the day we give chocolates to the last person we ever want to become fat. Why is it OK to use candy to get sex on Valentine’s Day, but you try it once on a playground and everybody goes ape s–t?”
5. LEWIS BLACK
“Move it to, like, April or May or June. That’s where it belongs. F—–g, that’s exactly where it belongs. And until that happens…f–k it. I’m not involved, I don’t care. I’m not gonna give you, ‘Oh, Happy Valentine’s Day.’ When I was a child, it’s nothing but traumatizing. ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ ‘No.’ How many f—–g no’s can you take?”
4. JOHNNY CARSON
“Love is in the air today. Valentine’s Day. Remember, before you fall head over heels [in] love with someone you just met, remember the initials of Valentine’s Day.”
3. JIM GAFFIGAN
“Can we get rid of Valentine’s Day as a holiday? I know it’s February and most of the country could use a distraction from the fact that winter may never end, but the best we can do is Valentine’s Day? Valentine’s Day is a holiday about love. We have to cram love into one day. Have we become that self-absorbed as a culture that we have to set aside one day a year to remember to love someone? ‘Oh, that’s right, I should let my wife know I love her.’ If you need the reminder, it’s probably too late.”
2. JOAN RIVERS
“Valentine’s Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.”
1. GEORGE CARLIN
“Valentine’s Day is devoted to love. Why don’t we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o’clock news.”
The post 10 Famous Comedians and Their Thoughts on Valentine’s Day appeared first on VICE.